2/28/09

Matchmaker to Find a Wife

Ladies, this could be you as the Matchmaker goes to Aspen to find a wife.
http://tinyurl.com/janisaspentimes

2/16/09

Matchmaker Breaks All Records

Ladies, coming soon...Matchmaker breaks all records and you might be the lucky one! Stay tuned.

Matchmaking Service Janis Spindel quoted in NY Post Feb. 23, 2009, courtesy of Dareh Gregorian.

Ladies and Gentlemen...drum rolls please...as promised, I have breaking news.One of my men clients who sued me for his $50,000 fee, admits that his suit was "frivolous" and "a terrible mistake."He accused me of setting him up with a "stable" of women he had little or nothing in common with.

I counter sued him for defamation, saying the women weren't the problem-he was.My client, Paul, admits publically that his suit was "frivolous and a terrible mistake."He quotes "You were hard working and relentless" and "one of the nicest people I have ever met."

What this means to you ladies, is the flood gates will open as men will come to my matchmaking service with full confidence.Men, that's right...you guessed it. Ladies will flock to me as they know that it will now be raining men and I just might have your wife in my matchmaking service.

Call my office at 212.987.1582.Best, Janis
www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com

2/15/09

Matchmaking Conversation Valentines Day 2009

This on-line conversation was posted on http://www.myolga.com/ and we thank them for the interview.

Finding the Right One
Advice on Valentine's Day
Janis SpindelMatchmaker Thursday, February 14, 2008; 11:00 AM

Janis Spindel, author of "Get Serious About Getting Married" and "How to Date Men,". Spindel helps solve the dating dilemmas of single men and women and has appeared on all the major network and cable television programs, the Internet and has been featured in many newspaper and magazine articles.

Janis Spindel: Good Morning and Happy Valentines Day!My name is Janis Spindel and I am a professional matchmaker and national best selling author and here to answer as many questions as I can today If you have more please feel to visit my website at http://www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com/.

Janis Spindel: If I don't get to you today please feel free to join me for MY online chat at http://www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com/

Janis Spindel: Get Serious about Getting Married and How to Date Men are both of my books and they will TOTALLY walk you thru the process from how to meet a guy to how to get him to marry you.You can click on the books on my home page and it will bring you right to Amazon/Barnes and Noble online to make your life easy!GOOD LUCK PROMISE they work! Best Janis
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Arlington, Va: Hi Janis, I lost my wife of 12 years last year, and I find myself at 52 to not be interested in marrying again, particularly since I'm not up for having a child. A companion would be ideal, but what are the chances a modern woman of 30-60 plus years would be interested in such a long-term arrangement? Do women of this age range generally yearn for marriage? Why would a woman beyond child-bearing age insist on marriage? Thank you for answering our questions!
Janis Spindel: Are you kidding women are dying to get married again no matter what age they are! some are OK with just a significant other, it shouldn't be hard for you at all,SO many women just want a nice guy for a long term relationship,there are so many more women out there then men that are single ,you should be having a FIELD DAY!!!
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Washington, D.C.: At 28 I've never had a boyfriend and the last of my three dates in my lifetime was five years ago. I do want to get serious about dating and marriage but with my history I'm finding it very hard to believe it is possible. I'm just exhausted. Any advice?
Janis Spindel: HI then you need to get serious about why you haven't had a bf, probably because you weren't ready!If you feel GREAT and love your self and are a happy person ,then you should EXUDE confidence which is the BIGGEST turn on to MEN!
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Ohio: My ex-boyfriend broke up with me right after New Year's. He decided he didn�t ever want to get married and was scared that he was leading me on since I would like to get married someday. I�m working through the shock and sadness. I�ve started going to the gym, eating right, and I�m getting my haircut this weekend. My question is how does one meet nice employed single 25-35 year old men? I try living my life and being open to meeting people, but most of my friends are older, I don�t meet anyone at work, and I�ve never been the type to randomly strike up a conversation with a stranger. Last time it was dumb luck; this time I don�t won�t to wait 2 years for dumb luck to happen.
Janis Spindel: HI you can meet men everywhere from a bookstore to a Starbucks, smile and say HELLO!I hope you didn't waste too much time but you sound young so its OK for now!Feel GREAT about yourself and you for sure will meet a guy.sounds like you are on the right track with getting your act together etc. GOOD LUCK!
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Washington, D.C.: I found someone who I thought was the right man for me -- when we spoke about it, he indicated he wanted the same things. After a year and a half, I started feeling like he wasn't ready to meet me half way. I approached him about how I felt and he revealed that he wasn't in love with me but was happy with the relationship just as we were. I was devastated and ended it because I know I want to get married and have children. How will I know the next time around sooner rather than later if he's not on the same page?
Janis Spindel: HI EASY!I don't know how old you are,but my "rule" is you have a 3 month conversation, then a 6 month ""M" conversation and if you are not looking at rings soon RUN FOR THE DOOR!if you have been in the dating world for sometime then you should know what you want and so should he.!Please feel free to go get Get Serious about Getting Married and it will walk you thru it.when its right you just KNOW! trust me I have gotten 806 couples MARRIED!
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Laurel, Md.: I saw a Web site once that said someday there will be headline "50 Million Great Guys and Loving Women Can't Find Each Other."
In our modern world in which men and women work in equal numbers but in different fields, is anyone creating joint activities where IT companies and military posts partner with hospitals and public school faculties to create a gender-balanced singles scene?
Janis Spindel: HI well I can't say I have heard anything like that available before , sorry!
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Rockville, Md.: I have been dating this man, who is 15 years older, for over three years. We have talked about marriage and I have met his family and attended his brothers wedding. We have discussed it many times in the past year and a half, but he has yet to do anything. Everytime I ask him about it, he says "soon," but soon has been over a year and a half. When is enough enough? He has no baggage and neither do I. I need some advice please.
Janis Spindel: WHOA its time as they say! depending on how old you are and if you want children etc. you need to move on if he can't make a commitment,I assume he hasn't been married before??UH OH he sounds like a CP!!you are SO past enough is enough! I did that for 4 yrs before I got married and trust me a leopard doesn't change his spots!
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Fairfax City, Va.: Having been married for 9 years, I would say the most important thing I have learned about marriage is to talk to your potential spouse about what their expectations are about how married life will be and what your potential spouse expects of you in a marriage. Everything about a couple may seem like they are a perfect match, but if the expectations about how life will change after marriage are very different, there can be huge problems. Do you discuss expectations of marriage with your clients, and do you agree that this is a very important consideration?
Janis Spindel: Marriage is all about talking,laughing and most important COMMUNICATING, I am about to have my 25th anniv.in May and you must keep things alive,have fun and communicate about what you both need and want.
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Tucson, Ariz.: Why do you think it is so difficult for men to say "I love you?" Do you think the concept of love is different for both men and women? And has the concept of love changed over time since the days of cavemen and cavewomen?
Janis Spindel: Let me tell you that MEN are immpossible with the word LOVE, my own husband couldn't get the words out with our older daughter when she was born,I don't know what is is with them, it has to do ALOT with whether they were told I LOVE YOU when they were growing up. DISCUSS it with him . let me tell you COMMUNICATION is VERY important at all times.PROMISE
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Washington, D.C.: Hello Janis,
Thanks for taking my question. I have been dating my boyfriend for over two years and love him tremendously. We are both in our 30's. I definitely want to marry him -- the problem is, this subject rarely comes up. I want to know if he wants to marry me, or if he is even thinking about it, sooner vs. later, etc. I want to be married and have children, and I don't want to wait much longer. And I don't want to be in a relationship that is not headed that way.
How do I do this without it sounding like an ultimatum, or I am pressuring him?
Thank you.
Janis Spindel: OH MY is all I have to say over 2 yrs and YOU haven't had the "M"conversation YET?? WRONG go for it, why would you waste anymore time if you don't know if both of you are on the same page>Please IMMEDIATELY go get my 1st book Get Serious About getting married and it will guide you thru it. at this age both of you should know by now what you want and if its each other.
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NW, D.C.-lonely : I don't know what to do. I'm tried of being single! It has been over 4 years now(late 20's). Everyone assumes I've someone because I'm attractive and educated. Pretty much I attract jerks 100 percent of the time. Now I think it's me, because the guys I date turn out to be the same way. Well I'm liked by everyone, got my Ph.D., cook, financially stable, athletic, adventurous, linguistic and been all over the world. I hate the fact I'm single, tired of dating. (Also I own a sail boat, sports car and a motorcycle)also play the guitar and saxophone. And I'm not needy, very independent and laid back, easy going. I really need help, I want to be in a realtionship but don't know how to meet the right guy? Please advise this lonely, empty heart.
Janis Spindel: Well 1st of all you sound AMAZING! call my office!! so you are probably looking for love in all the wrong places!Picking the wrong men obviously.I would have to hear more about each relationship to give you exact answers.your young nip it in the bud NOW!
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Cringing on V-Day: I am 49-year-old single mom. men in their 50s online want a 36- YO. Must I search amidst the geezers and coots for someone? The cover line men my age use is they might want kids, thus the need for a younger mate. Hard to combat that though several I have met say they really don't want/can't afford a whole new family.
I look fine, many friends, active at church and a community arts volunteer. I'm financially secure and not a nutcase. Not sure what to tweak but I don't want Gramps. game plan, please?
Janis Spindel: 1st of all you are NOT old,age is JUST A NUMBER and some peoples are UNLISTED!Its more about how you feel and if you take care of your self and of course most important what you look like since men are very "visual"! IF you have confidence you can get ANY MAN-I deal with men in their 50's all day long who will date women in their 40's assuming they don't look it.alot of women even date YOUNGER men trust me its a case by case scenario but if you are awesome shouldn't be a problem.
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Isn't it about timing?: Doesn't it often boil down to timing? You both have to be ready at the same time. You may be in love but its not the right time. The reverse being that often you find someone when the timing is right that you might not have looked at otherwise.
Janis Spindel: ALL DAY LONG I tell people EVERYTHING in life is timing.and lately I have heard alot of people have been meeting at high school reunions and reconnecting and getting MARRIED> heard about 3 just this week!
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Tucson, Ariz.: I'm a 50-year-old male. For my entire life -- or for at least as long as I can remember, I've never had strong feelings about love: loving another, others loving me or loving myself. The best I can muster is lukewarm affection in all three categories. I admire many and respect many more but that's about it. Oh, and BTW, I've never been married (not even close) and have had only one serious relationship in my entire life. Remarkably, I'm a rather happy and content individual -- just lacking that special someone. Is there any hope for me finding love? Is my scenerio unusal? Or should I get professional help?
Janis Spindel: WOW with all the women out there you can't find love?? NOPE won't accept that one, when I meet men that are over 40 who have never been married there are usually issues, so yes my answer would be one of 2 and I would have to interview you live to really get into this, but you might want to speak with a professional about this, I would not say it is a typical situation but I for sure will tell you , you are NOT alone on this one especially in NYC!!!
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Loudoun County, Va.: What are your thoughts on couples reconciling after divorce? I know it ultimately comes down to the individuals, but speaking in general terms to you have an opinion one way or the other? Thanks!
Janis Spindel: Just had a guy who went back to his wife, sometimes it might take a break-up for you to realize what you had and lost, so if it works and you still love each other go for it.GOOD LUCK
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Marry or break up?: My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two years. I�m 37, never married, no children; he�s eight years older, divorced three years ago and shares custody of his young son. We have talked seriously about marriage several times over the last few months. The biggest hitch is his hesitation. His first marriage ended badly. We love each other, have a great time together and have many shared values and dreams for the future. We also have some differences and have had some bad arguments but managed to get through them. We�ve talked about finances; we're in agreement about how to do the wedding and reception. We�ve talked about renovating his house after marriage. I told him last month that we need to decide this year to either get married or break up, and he agreed. I don�t want to just keep dating for another year but I feel torn about time-based ultimatums. Friends who keep asking whether he has proposed and say I should dump him soon if he hasn�t aren�t helpful. What do you think?
Janis Spindel: I don't think I KNOW-you need to MOVE ON. if his wife left him and they had a nasty divorce I deal with this all day long, men are scared it will happen again and really you can't blame them, they tell me there is nothing worse then not seeing thier kids everyday etc etc. so if he can't commit you need to move on , didn't say it was easy but if you want kids you need to get on it.maybe after you dump him , he will come realize you mean business.
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Chicago, Ill.: How do you argue with someone who doesn't like conflict?
Janis Spindel: are you a lawyer!!ha ha, why do you have to argue??why can't you "discuss"watch the red flags on this one.
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Washington, D.C.: I want to comment on something that I've seen in print a lot recently. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless had a big crush on a married singer almost 20 years ago. She went into the music business herself and met the guy. She moved to both N.. and L.A. for different music industry jobs. He got divorced and after several years of being is friend with benefits and not-very-exclusive relationship she married the guy and started a family.
But I've read plenty of advice recently that said that women need to "settle" before they get too old. This statement is false. I believe in the following:
1. Write out all the attributes of your dream date. Don't just talk about certain attributes, write down EVERYTHING but especially where they work, what city they live in and what they like to do.
2. Make yourself lovable to this mystery person. Work out at the gym every night, run, spend the money on the good haircut, spend the money on the good glasses frames, spend the money on the clothes. Look great so when they meet you, they're immediately impressed. This means spending a LOT more money on clothes than you might be used to. If you can't afford that then your priority is to get a new job. Do you see the process at work? It's your responsibility to attract Ms. Right and if you fail only you can fix it.
3. Make yourself available for Mr. or Ms. Right. When I was in college I dated someone just to date someone, but it wasn't until I dumped her that women I wanted to date flirted with me. It's better to not have anyone than for the potential Ms. Right to see you're attached.
4. Go to where this mystery person is. A woman I knew was obsessed about money, but she left D.C. and moved to Silicon Valley boyfriend, Swedish royalty, when she worked in Aspenm Colorado. Determine where Mr. or Ms. Right hangs out and go there. Every day you spend there is a special moment lost.
But never, ever settle.
Janis Spindel: WOW!! I agree no one should ever settle or compromise, that being said as you get older your "list" must get shorter and shorter of what you are looking for and what your expectations are.If you are unrealistic it will get you no where, I deal with that all day long!
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Arlington, Va.: How much stock do you put into demographics? A few years ago, I broke off an engagement and saw a counselor as part of the process. She gave me very direct advice: If you don't meet someone in a few years, you need to move away from the D.C. area. There are too few men, and apparently her whole practice was full of professional late-'20s, early '30s women who couldn't meet Mr. Right.
In the intervening three years, I've dated literally DOZENS of men and, with the ones who get past date 2 or 3, the pattern is always the same -- the guy thinks I'm terrific for a month, then loses interest (except to send me text messages late at night when he's "in my neighborhood" looking to "stop by." This followed by my reading him the riot act for treating me in that manner.)
I probed that last guy who treated me in this manner about what I'm doing wrong, and he coldly informed me that he's a 35-year-old doctor, was a dork his whole life, and suddenly is Mr. Exciting to all these women he meets around here and he is well-aware the numbers are in his favor. He admitted he didn't like the obligation of a relationship, and basically implied he can "get what he wants" without putting up with all the work of a relationship.
I think a lot about moving to improve my odds -- what's your take? Maybe once your 30, you just have to dig through the remnant rack no matter what city you're in?
Janis Spindel: Funny you should ask that because that is one of the things I tell people depending on their situation. Single people should totally be in a big city where there is a large ratio of well educated, attractive people looking for LOVE!
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Maryland burbs: Any idea what the probability is that a never-married 40-, 50 plus- year-old woman really will find someone? I think that statistic from the early '90s that said her chances are greater of being struck by lightning has been refuted, yet I know plenty of professional woman in that boat. Or is the D.C. region really worse than other parts of the country?
Janis Spindel: I am in DC all the time, age has NOTHING to do with it, it is just a number, how do you feel?how do you look?how is your mind set?if you feel younger etc then it shouldn't be a problem.what you have to look at is why you have never been married??that sounds like it might be an issue to deal with???
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Baltimore, Md.: Tell Arlington (the 52-year-old widower) that there are plenty of women his age who want a companion and lover, but don't want marriage. Heck, I don't even want to live together with a boyfriend!
Janis Spindel: I did tell him that, alot of women are just looking for a companion/significant other, no one wants to be alone.maybe you guys can meet!!
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Denver Again: Hi. I'm turning 40 in April, and I've never been married. What issues might I have? Thanks.
Janis Spindel: Well that would be hard to answer unless I met with you, so what you might want to do is to ask that question to a professional therapist that deals with relationships and get some closure on those issues sooner then later so you can move on and meet the love of your life.
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Annapolis, Md.:: "I deal with men in their 50's all day long who will date women in their 40's assuming they don't look it."
At some point, if she lives long enough, a woman will look like she's in her fifties. Why would anyone want to date someone who only wanted to date someone who didn't look his or her age? That shouldn't be the defining aspect of a relationship - -not looking your age. Wow. (A fifty-year-old woman can look her age and be beautiful too.)
Janis Spindel: You are 100% correct, but men are very visual and they fall in love thru their eyes ( remember I am just the messenger) so if a man is say 55 he mentally does not want a women his age, its a "guy thing" trust me I just listen to men and deliver what they are asking for ASSUMING I don't think they are DILUSIONAL in what they are asking for.so women need to take care of themselves and its statistics women age better then men anyway!
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Anon: I've always been pretty happy with myself as a person, but recently my self esteem has taken a beating while in the dating world. In the last few months, I've been told by dates that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm too nice, I should be blond, and a list of other rather blunt things. Clearly these guys are lacking manners and I usually let things like that roll off my back. But it's been consistent and it's starting to wear and I just have no idea what to do next. I have taken a "break" to step back and take a good hard look at myself, so any advice on how to get back out there?
Janis Spindel: OK well then if that's the case maybe you should "pay attention" to what people are saying and possibly speak with a professional image consultant and see what they have to say/or YOU are just picking the wrong guys???One thing I will tell you is you MUST have confidence and if you don't it won't help you at all so you need to nip this in the bud ASAP!
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Washington, D.C.: How do you bring the spark back to a relationship? We're young and been together a couple of years, but we've lost that loving feeling! Is this a sign that it's over, or can something bring the spark back? Thanks!
Janis Spindel: Its easy to bring that spark back if you put some thought into it and today being VDay is a perfect way to start.think out of the box, be CREATIVE are you the guy or the girl?ROMANCE has to be brought back, little token gifts, maybe a"get away"together,
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NW D.C.: I only seem to attract drunks or retards. The single men I've worked with stand back with their thumbs in their belts kicking the ground. I've been told I'm attractive; have been gainfully employed and supporting myself forever; put myself through college; have all my own teeth, no tattoos; have a lot of interests outside of work, do volunteer work in the social service area. For one thing, I do not flirt. I think it's an insult -- like teasing with something you're not going to fork over.
Janis Spindel: NO NO NO flirting is fun and healthy!you must use your femininity to get the right guy, you must be looking for love in all the wrong places and meeting the wrong guys.there is a big difference between flirting and teasing.
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Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.: Wow! I have to say you are doing a great disservice to people. To generalize and say that all men have trouble saying that they love their significant other is just so ridiculous. I know the same number of men who say they love their SO quickly or who don't say it. If your husband couldn't say it to your daughter then that is his problem not a problem that infects all men. And to say that after 6 months you should have the marriage conversation is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and living together for 1. We have a totally different and better relationship now that we live together and now I know I want to get married. But neither of us want to do it right now so please stop putting forth these ridiculous stereotypes that make it dramatically more difficult for all people to find happiness.
Janis Spindel: OK chill! IF men say they LOVE so quickly that is not love,that might be LUST!you have to get to know someone which takes awhile before you fall in love,yes when its right it happens FAST, my husband asked me to marry him the night we met and told me I would be the mother of his children on our 3rd date, I deal with alot of men and I am just speaking from experience and what I hear,and depending on how long you have been in the dating world you should know after spending 6 mo. with someone ,seeing each other every weekend and a few times a week how long do you think it will take?here you are telling me you know men that say I love you asap then why wouldnt they know in 6 months they want to spend the rest of their life with her??hello why would you buy the cow if you are getting the milk FREE< I didn't invent that expression I just hear it all the itme.SO why did it take you over 3 yrs to figure it out. what did you learn in 3 that you didn't learn in 1 1/2?? look every relationship is different and what works for one ,might not work for another obviously it depends on every situation.good luck in yours and I only wish everyone happiness.
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Don't know what to do: I am 24 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. I even made a life changing move to be closer to him almost 2 years ago. We talk about marriage and our future together often. He says he wants to marry me but just isn�t ready yet. I love him and would really like to spend the rest of life with him, but he just hasn�t made a move on an engagement. How long is too long to wait when it seems like we are so close to what I want?
Janis Spindel: Well you are still really young so you do have time to give it.is he around your age?If not then its a different situation if he is alot older and has been out there awhile then it is another story. you are so young and lucky ,enjoy life, you have so many years to be married and settle down, the last thing you want is to get married young and grow apart. hang in there for a little while longer
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Bethesda, Md.: Help! I'm bad at flirting. What is your advice on how to flirt?
Janis Spindel: Use your femininity to flirt.are you happy with YOU? smile alot , its your calling card.be playful ,always have humor into it. its fun go for it!
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Denver, Colo. : I'd just like to chime in and agree that flirting can be healthy and fun.
If the person flirting is doing so to play games or boost his/her ego at your expense, then it's detrimental.
Healthy flirting is a playful, silly way to spend time and have a conversation with someone you'd like to get to know better. A fun dance two people engage in.
Janis Spindel: your right,its called "banter "and people love it.especially MEN!
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New Haven, Conn.: Going back to demographics, I'm curious how do you deal with questions of race/ethnicity in matchmaking? Do you find certain backgrounds are "tougher to match" than others?
Janis Spindel: no ,not necessarliy, there should be as many commonalities as possible, of course at the end of the day its all about "chemistry"and that is an intangable no one can account for,I have had women move all over the country for love and they originally said they would NEVER leave where they lived!and now they are BLISSFULLY happy
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Tysons Corner, Va.: Thanks for your positive approach for a difficult subject.
I think I share a very busy worklife schedule with many others -- but I don't want to date people in my field (law).
Where would you suggest meeting late 30's early 40's women with limited time for social life?
Thanks!
Janis Spindel: C'mon women are EVERYWHERE! I met my husband at the gym, I meet people from Starbucks to Bookstores, sometimes when you are focusing on what you are doing , NOT who you are meetin it totally works, you might want to call my office!!!People are so career driven now, in all major cities it is hard to find "the one"but it does happen if you are really looking!
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Springfield, Va.: From my perspective, popular culture is increasingly normalizing less romance in relationships. Things like speed dating, the hookup culture, and virtual relationships seem to depersonalize the way we relate to each other and stunt the kind of emotional intimacy that most people used to want in a relationship. I'm wondering if you're seeing any broader shifts in people's attitudes about 'finding love', and what they think it looks like. As someone recently told me, 'romance is so yesterday'. Is this sentiment becoming more normal?
Janis Spindel: NO NO NO people still want romance bigtime! and looking for old fashion love, still want to be "courted" etc.it will NEVER be "yesterday"it has changed I will agree to that though
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Anonymous: Another D.C.-area mature single here. Conversations like these are incredibly depressing. It makes finding a mate sound rather manipulative and like a second job. In fact, a previous poster even suggested a second job, just to afford expensive clothes to attract the "right" person.
My thoughts are that if I have to turn myself inside out to attract someone, then I'm trying to attract someone who wouldn't like regular me.
Isn't it possible to find romance without such extreme effort? I'm not advocating looking like a slob or being a jerk -- just being, well, a normal adult....
Janis Spindel: Actually No I do tell people that as well, it's true , it is like finding a job,you can't be someone you are not, and your body language will not allow you to in the way you dress, point just being you must always look your best to feel your best as it is about confidence, DO NOT let this depress you at all, it is positive info that you should absorb and act on if you want to meet someone, I tell people all the time what would you do if you were unemployed?whatever you had to to get another job, well if you really want to meet someone , they are NOT coming knocking at your door, thats only in the movies, You MUST be pro-activ on this project!promise it works if you put effort into it.
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Washington, D.C.: Can you please elaborate on your answer to the woman from Arlington, Va., about the advice to leave D.C. in order to find a better man-to-woman ration. Is this a problem just in D.C., that there are a lot more smart, funny, attractive single women than there are men, or is this a trend throughout the country?
Janis Spindel: sorry to say but the statistics are there are more women out there in all cities as there are men, weird huh??there should be more boys born into this world huh!! I have 2 girls also!!
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Demographics and love question: I'd like to visit the question posted earlier -- if you're not lucky in love in your current city should you think of moving? I meet men all the time when I leave the D.C. area for travel, for work, for fun whatever. Here in D.C. I never meet men that I am interested in or who are interested in me and I do the same types of things and go to the same type of places when I'm away. I've been thinking of moving as I am 40 and not getting any younger.......
Janis Spindel: GO for it NYC is the greatest city in the world-it never sleeps!
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Washington, D.C.: You say here that couples should have the "M" discussion after being together for 6 months. For someone who has never been married that seems awfully soon. I was planning to talk about it at 1 year (which is coming up soon).
I'm 28 and he's 41. Both never married. We've mentioned in passing that we'd both like to have a family. I'd need to move in with him in a new place, he'd like for both of us to live in his condo. (Just one example of the type of thing that might be a problem.) I'm thinking that we will have to commit or quit when the 1 year point comes up. What do you think? Is there hope?
Janis Spindel: I agree and especially if he is over 40 and never married.for sure give it a year while you are still young enough to move on if by chance he freaks.
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Washington, D.C.: I agree with Capitol Hill -- the stuff you're spewing is both bunk and sexist. "C'mon girlies, get all prettied up and you can get the big prize -- marriage!!". What is this, 1965? Didn't we dimiss that "Rules" garbage several years ago?
Janis Spindel: the "rules"are all about games and people don't like people that play games, its not nice
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Late Entry -- Please Answer: When is the right time to talk about taking a relationship to the next level, and when is it reasonable to expect your Love Interest to have enough information to make a decision? I've been dating someone I'm crazy about for 7 weeks now, and we spend Saturday nights and all day Sunday together. Yet, she still isn't "sure," and continues to date others. I think it's time for exclusivity, but I tend to rush things. FWIW, we're both in our 40s.
Janis Spindel: As I have said if you are both in your 40's ,you have been out there awhile to know what you want and if this one is a "keeper" so maybe you should start by spending more time together and see where that goes before you get carried away
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Arlington, Va.: I'm 26, and recently divorced. I own a condo in a great neighborhood, have a great job, lots of friends, good life. Is it possible to find love after a divorce? Is it a turn off for men?
Janis Spindel: of course you are so young,and no its not a turnoff
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Janis Spindel: Hey guys thank you so much for all your questions hopefully the answers were helpful Best Janis

2/7/09

Matchmaking Pick Up Places for Single Women

I was at the Knicks/Celtics game on Friday night: place was packed with droves of men. I was in my glory!

Believe it or not, I get a text from a guy who I had my "simulated date" with but who has not pulled the trigger yet to hire me as he thinks none of the women in my database will be "HIS TYPE" --is he KIDDING ME???!! and I of course being the relentless, tenacious matchmaker that I am have been "on HIM " to close the deal of course and remembered he had season tickets so I actually asked him that day if he will be there, he said of course with his 2 daughters so I said fine. I get there and let him know I just arrived. Out of left field he asks me to go get him the girl in 17D and he says "lets see how good you are" so hmmn this could be a $100,000 night and off I go.

So, I laughed and told my husband to watch my bag as I grabbed my scouting cards and went over to the 2 girls while he of course was watching the whole thing-- ONLY ME -- it turns out the brunette knew one of my San Diego clients and he had told her all about me so within seconds we all bonded (as women do very quickly) and the blonde who he wanted to meet was only 21, has a BF that she lives with and is a model!! TYPICAL!! prettier than pretty I might add ,grew up in Hawaii and has a single mom who sounds like she could be PERFECT for one of my Hawaii men so this is becoming a win -win for me!( not for the KNICKS unfortunately though). Both women were intrigued by me to say the least, and couldn't wait to spread the word to all their friends about the real live matchmaker that they met!!

SO then mission accomplished -I text him "DONE"! and he says she is intensely reading your card. age etc? so I of course text him back and say TOO YOUNG that's cool!! And how do you think I pick up men,its SOOOOOOOO easy! There is NOT a day that goes by where I don't meet at least 50-100 men There you go, a qualified guy just for you ladies. Happens 10 times a day. Just make a joke of the situation and keep an open mind and bingo, you never know if he is for you OR... if he knows someone for you. Ladies, I have said this over and over... I just might have your husband. Men, I will leave no stone unturned until I find you your wife!!!! Best, Janis http://www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com/

Also, I have some on-line articles that are published for your viewing. Check them out http://janisspindelmatchmaker.blogspot.com/